How do we come to terms with our divided selves?
Is it even possible? Yes, I believe it is. Each part that has split off (for reasons of trauma) can be retrieved, reconciled, embraced. The Japanese's word for divide is to understand.
I am the perfect example of a house divided against itself, certainly diametrically juxtaposed to parts of me I housed within rooms I wouldn't enter, doors closed, selves I could not understand, love, grasp, nor integrate. I spent years in counselors, psychologists, psychoanalysts' offices scattered throughout the country speaking to everyone who would listen (mostly with those I had to pay) to mend the gulf that separated me from me, from others, from God. On top of that, I did a full scale search--speaking, reading, movie-going, writing incessantly in my journals, and eventually leaping on a plane to Africa for folktales--not knowing I would encounter a myth "Why Ostriches Don't Fly" amongst the Kalahari San Bushmen in Botswana that divinely defined my life at that time. Slowly, through the gentle touch of a Bush-woman's hand on my face and a wise look that saw right through me, as well as an initiation with the Maasai Warriors of Kenya the divisions began to disperse or should I say, unite, until I could hear that still small voice within and come to know and love all of me.
What has been my truth?
To be honest, I've had a paradoxical relationship with truth. At one point I craved it, even seemed to pursue it with abandon. But being fully human, over the years I have found it difficult to touch the scars of my past. There were times I danced around them, traveled here and there and everywhere – literally, running from them. But even as I ran away, whether through my relationships, my experiences, my nightmares, I kept bumping back into the same old story, the one I kept telling myself. (Yes, some of us take longer to grow up – I'm one of those!)
Only recently, in following what Whitmont and Perera call "the guiding self," my internal knowingness have I been able to lift up and out of the description of being a victim, to recognize that everyone on the planet has been wounded in some form or another. Now, I have discovered that those woundings no longer have to be "issues" but they can become the treasured pivotal point to bring us into a more intimate relationship with the Self.
Ultimately, my goal has been to get to the bottom of who I really am. To try to face myself at all costs. To leave no stone unturned whether it be in the present, the past or a past-life. To see my story from three hundred and sixty degrees, through the eyes of others, as well as the Great Spirit's eyes. To continue to be true to myself to the best of my abilities. To live out my dreams and aspirations.
What are my resourceS?
Drawing from over four decades of deep, internal personal exploration--through many forms of psychology and body work--I have developed a well-spring within, that "guiding-self." Since 1998, I have been delving into the shamanic realms – with both the indigenous people I encountered in Africa and through the newer practice of neo-shamanism in North America. Through the Maasai Warriors, I have been initiated as a Laibon, a dream-shaman. I have trained with different practitioners that came out of the Michael Harner's Foundation for Shamanic Studies and Alberto Villoldo's The Four Winds. In 2006, I encountered the Akasha--the sanskrit word for primary substance--and weekly, for ten years through a guide, I explored this vast life force of Light that has become an essential vibrational archival resource in my daily centering for personal alignment so that I might consciously live a more soulful, soul-led life.
From Pacifica Graduate Institute, I earned a Ph.D. in (Worldwide) Mythological Studies with an emphasis in Depth Psychology and Culture (2007), continuing Depth Psychological training at the C.G. Jung Institute in Küsnacht, Switzerland. After earning my doctorate, I began practicing as a psychoanalytic shaman (see invocation to the Six Directions at the bottom of this page + a newly inspired prayer from the Seventh). Four years ago, I came across Linda Howe's Healing through the Akashic Records: Using the Power of Your Sacred Wounds to Discover Your Soul's Perfection and her Pathway Prayer Process. Since then, my private consultations have changed entirely to be inside the safety and love of the Akashic Records where I believe people can shift their blocks more kindly, easily and effortlessly.
What are the Akashic Records?
Linda Howe says it so well: "The Akashic Record is a vibrational archive of every soul and its human journey through time and space. Each set of Records is made up of two distinct parts: the energetic blueprint of the soul — outlining Divine Potential — and the catalogue of lifetimes experienced by a human being awakening to this blueprint and growing into Divine Potential, one lifetime at a time [...] the “Cosmic Chronicles of You” [...] a spiritual resource, one need not be psychic to engage the Akasha or to benefit from the Akashic Atmosphere of infinite kindness, respect and appreciation.
"The Records have been recognized as an informational reservoir of insight, guidance, wisdom and healing from the past, present and future. More recently, many find working in the Records amplifies their efforts in other systems and disciplines, including: therapeutic counseling, bodywork, hands-on energy work, artistic pursuits, and even business. Both the compassion and counsel of the soul are revealed through the Akashic Records, illuminating truths and solutions to present-day challenges.
"The Records are governed by Three Absolutes: Fear Not, Resist Not, and Judge Not. This makes for a very safe, loving, and also encouraging environment." Learn more at akashicstudies.com
What HAS BEEN MY personal journey?
I have made a bridge that I have gone across, over, and through during each journey – each shamanic flight, psychological session, night's landscape of dreams, and physical exploration into the heart of Africa. My golden rhinestone plane's threaded, needled-nose pierced the divide's pain again and again until an incredible tapestry had been woven. Each "penetration" was an act of restorative grace. Everything I had done, was doing, and would continue to do meant something. No longer a stab in the dark but an act of life. And yes, of course, a death, too; in the giving up and leaving behind the wound, the victimhood, the patterns I was bound by. Rewriting and transforming them until the tethers loosened on their own accord, until I was free of them all.
But more important than it being about them, I had been set free from within, liberated of the divisive voices that had created the division in my head. In going across and over it – not just that I had flown over it in avoidance, but that I had delved into the truth of it so many times – I knew it six ways to heaven and back. Knowing my story so intimately, the very divide of it I had grown to love (whatever it was that I experienced). To love myself, the betrayal, the betrayers, the segments within that had allowed the betrayal, and more importantly, the part that had betrayed and abandoned me. And through this, I had been emancipated out of the prison that had bound me, reweaving my life into a delightful embroidered coat of many colors.
No longer needing the insubordinate self that rebelled – that ran away from everyone and everything and had the appearance of freedom, but was in fact just another form of restriction and a defiant revolutionary “ism.” Instead, I had become reconciled and at home with every aspect of that little girl in me: the rebellious spirit, the fighter, the warrior, that teary tender soul; bringing those aspects to rest and union with my peaceful adult self. That newly-felt elbowroom established a "me." No longer was my "no" negotiable. Yet, I could still be warmly engaged, flexible, also resilient, receptive, and truly authentic. Now, this abode in the intricately-geometric and unique patterning of a turtle’s back elegantly covers me, both protecting my essence and while serving those around me in many forms, wherever I am on this Planet Earth.
Who and what do I want to speak for?
To give voice to the indigenous part of ourselves that knows innately who we are born to be. For the “little people,” the Kalahari San Bushmen, one of the most ancient peoples on the planet, and to the feminine within all of us that longs to bring forth "herself" into the world, respectfully, honorably, and equal to the masculine on all levels.
Who Have been my clients?
Those who wanted to restore their relationship with their ancestors and come to terms with their other lives. Who longed to access their North Star – their personal legend, their mission – as well as those who already knew who they are meant to be, but wanted to fine-tune their authentic voice. View Client Testimonials
What is my mission?
Gay Walley defines me as a "deep sea diver," I think because I am always diving down deeper like a catfish scouring the bottom of my story for a greater understanding both of this life and lifetimes before. I'm willing to dive down deep for you, too. To hold the space that you too might come into a lovingly large comprehension of yourself, gaining full access to your authenticity. If possible, for you to experience a liberation out from under all “isms” and illusions – the stories that bind you culturally, politically, religiously, ancestrally – enabling you to break free of a way of thinking, believing, and patterning that has held you back from that flourishing self that loves you incandescently, loves others, and loves life as it was, is and shall be.
How do I define my private sessions?
A private consultation allows 75 minutes of individualized guided attention. Through these sessions, we may uncover and explore what is blocking you from living into your full nature and loving all that you are. We can do this over the telephone or Skype (from anywhere in the world). I use a prayer, similar to Linda Howe's Pathway Prayer Process to enter into your personal records in the Akasha. As we set your intentions, we experience a lovingly safe environment surrounded by our Masters Teachers and Loved Ones as they guide us thoughtfully, soulfully to retrieve those parts of yourself that have separated you from being a more centered and aligned being, stepping into a more soulful and loving conscious life.